God has yet to answer my prayer(s)
This happened some time ago, so my recollection isn’t entirely verbatim — but the gist will shine through, so to speak:
I was running errands in Brooklyn, and happened to pass a Prayer Station established on the corner of Atlantic and 4th. (If you’ve never encountered one of these, they’re little red tents that appear, at a distance, to offer lemonade — but, instead, a teenager from some distant zip code offers to pray in tandem with you.) I was immediately tempted to start a fight, but decided I’d continue about my business; and if, say, I happened to walk that way upon returning? And one of those do-gooders approached me? Well, jeez, that couldn’t possibly be my fault.
Lo and behold, half an hour later, a young lady stepped into my path and asked if I’d like to pray with her. You bet I would! Well, she asked, what should we pray for?
“Let’s pray I had a bigger penis,” I replied.
See, I’d been thinking about it — as I explained to her: god is doubtlessly receiving manifold prayers for peace and happiness, food, comfort, everything I would readily agree is more important. Why stuff his In Box? How could we even be certain he was listening? So I was proposing we start with something small, something no one else had requisitioned (except, maybe, Lis), and we could track our progress.
My assistant seemed a little unsure of herself, but — as best I could tell — she began to pray; right there, right on the spot. I ducked my head and closed my eyes — openning them a moment later to ask, “Are you praying?”
“Yes,” she grumbled.
“That I had a bigger penis? Do you think god’s listening? Do you think, if he is, he’s putting this request ahead of any earlier prayers? Like, this morning, if you asked for a puppy — but it’s going to go penis, then puppy, instead?”
At this, she walked off; I called after her that I’d return the following day, and report back. But the next morning, they’d packed up camp — I can’t say it was on account of my prayer, but you never know. Maybe it’s that Brooklyn doesn’t need any assistance in summoning the Almighty.
(Subsequently, my penis is no bigger than it was, before. Take from that what you will.)
