December 31, 1993
His very first cigarette came on New Year’s Eve, 1993: one of a gaggle of teenagers, huddled under the stars. They were vacationing in Florida, his parents gone off to bed. When he was offered an illicit smoke, it was because his newfound beach pals didn’t know him; couldn’t appreciate how laughable, the idea of him — he — smoking a cigarette! At sixteen, it was the single most ironic moment of his entire life.
What he said was, “I shouldn’t — I quit — but what the hell.” Accepted a cigarette and became a smoker. He wanted to roll around on his back, it was so absurd.
(While giving driving lessons, his father had invoked the holy trinity of “Gas, wheel, and brakes.” Beyond that, there was little nuance involved. The same can be said of smoking: pucker, ignite, inhale.)
But was he already a smoker, even before that first drag? What he’d said was, I shouldn’t — I quit. He’d never had a cigarette prior to that. He certainly hadn’t developed a habit; indulged for a number of years; resolved himself to quit; then abstained long enough to be sitting on this sand dune in his jeans and Doc Martins, confiding in a pretty stranger, “I shouldn’t — I quit — but what the hell.”
Before accepting his first drink (1992), he didn’t eye the keg warily and say, “I shouldn’t — I’m an alcoholic — but what the hell.”
Before losing his virginity (1994), he didn’t whisper, “I shouldn’t — I’m married — but what the hell.”
Which is to say, he didn’t swaddle himself in false pretenses before experiencing either of those firsts. For him, the idea of smoking was so ridiculous that he had to establish a persona for whom it wasn’t ridiculous; for whom, at the very least, this lapse was a forgivable offense.
Years later, he’d recall it was a Parliament — a brand that would carry deeper connotations, in time. But on that occasion, he accepted a light from the pretty stranger, and summoned his first drag. He didn’t inhale the smoke into his lungs; wasn’t, in fact, aware that he hadn’t inhaled the smoke into his lungs — a beginner’s faux pas. His body tingled, and his head felt dizzy. All told, it wasn’t such a magical experience.
