The Fox and the Lamp Oil
There was once a little girl whose family had no lamp oil. Every evening, when the sun went down, darkness fell: without a lamp as his guide, the little girl’s father stepped on the dog when he staggered outside to pee; and the little girl’s brother crept into bed with their unwed sister; and the little girl could not sleep.
One day, after many restless nights, she ventured into the woods beyond their home. Happening upon a fox, the little girl cried out, “Kindly fox! Please help me find lamp oil – for, every night, my father crashes around in the dark; and my brother tricks our sister into sharing her bed; and I fear that which is wicked, but that I cannot see.”
To which the fox replied, “I will share my lamp oil with you, little girl. But first, you must give me a kiss.”
The little girl did not want to kiss the fox, but already it was getting late. So, she shut her eyes and kissed him on the snout; and, in return, the fox gave her a cupful of lamp oil.
That night, when he stumbled outside to pee, the little girl’s father avoided the dog, and the kitchen table, and the stove; and, stealing under the covers, the little girl’s brother woke their unwed sister – who, despite his pleas, slapped his hand and scratched his face; and the little girl was able to sleep.
But, the next day, there was no lamp oil left; so the little girl returned to the woods, in search of the fox. When she found him, she exclaimed, “Kindly fox! I need more lamp oil to light my home.” To which the fox replied, “Again I will share my lamp oil with you, little girl, but only for a kiss.”
Shutting her eyes, she obediently kissed him on the snout. In return, the fox provided her a cupful of lamp oil; and, that night, she was able to sleep – but none remained the following morning, and the little girl questioned her allowance of one cupful at a time. So – returning to the woods and locating the fox – she argued, “Kindly fox! Every evening I come home with one cupful of lamp oil, and every morning there’s no lamp oil left. Is there any way you can spare more lamp oil for me?”
The fox made a face. “Little girl,” he said, “I don’t think you appreciate the situation. Each day, I travel deep into the woods to see the toad, from whom I receive my lamp oil – and I’m just barely settled in again when you come along, begging lamp oil for the piffling price of a kiss. It gets damned dark in these woods, little girl. Frankly, from your description, I don’t know who’s got it worse. So I’m thinking, maybe today you march your little ass home with no lamp oil, and tomorrow we’ll see what’s a fair amount.”
That night, the little girl’s father urinated in the pantry; and the little girl’s brother slipped into bed with their unwed sister, asleep on her stomach; and the little girl knew things couldn’t carry on like this forever.
So, in the morning, she ventured deeper into the woods than she ever had before. There, the little girl discovered the toad – beseeching him, “Kindly toad! I’ve been doing business with the fox, but apparently you’re the one to talk to. I require a massive amount of lamp oil.”
“And if I give you all the lamp oil you need,” replied the toad, “will you come live in the woods with me and be my bride?”
The little girl thought it over and said, “Sure.”
On her way home, she passed the fox, making his daily commute to see the toad. Acknowledging the little girl; where in the woods he encountered her; and the ungodly amount of lamp oil she was transporting, the fox howled, “You went behind my back? We had an arrangement!”
“Take it up with the toad,” snorted the little girl, and didn’t bother to give a second look.
That night, as darkness fell, the little girl had all the lamp oil she needed. Before her father drank too much; and before her unwed sister drifted off to sleep; and before their brother could trespass against her, the little girl spilled lamp oil everywhere. She splashed lamp oil on the floor, and lamp oil on the walls; lamp oil on the chairs and the table, and lamp oil on the curtains; lamp oil on the sides of the house, and lamp oil underneath the house; and finally she pitched the remaining lamp oil through her bedroom window with a crash – because, without oxygen, a fire can’t breathe.
Then the little girl touched a match to the wick, and touched the wick to the house, and the house ignited. When the screams of her father, and her brother, and her unwed sister had finally subsided, the little girl walked off into the woods to join her husband, the toad.
